Testimony

God’s Gift of Mercy and Grace

A personal testimony of the Lawrence family

This article is a personal testimony of how our family experienced God’s mercy and grace in a real and tangible way. We share it, not to put a spotlight on ourselves, but to glorify God for the real and personal way He has blessed us. To fully understand the magnitude of this roller-coaster experience, allow me to take you back in time several years to cover the entire story.

Chris and I were married in 1981. We waited five years before having children to allow ourselves time to get to know each other, get established and buy a home. Once in our home, we wasted no time in starting our family. God blessed us with the wonderful ability of bringing new life into the world. A gift we took for granted.

Now the story moves ahead ten years to 1991. Heather, our youngest of two children at the time, had just turned one year old. Chris and I were very happy and very content with the children God had blessed us with. But we did not fully realize what a precious gift a child is.

One day, when we were planning for our future, we decided that two children, one boy and one girl, was enough for us. I don’t recall exactly what led to that decision. It could have been that we gave into society’s view that two children is the normal, acceptable number for families these days. Just look at restaurants and hotels that offer free service for kids. One free child for each paying adult – Two parents, two children. And what about those insurance registration forms that leave you two lines for listing your dependent children. It’s as if they are saying if you have more than two children you are not normal.

I could go on and on, but the point is, society does not believe in large families, and we bought into the lie. And we were not alone, many of our friends who were the same age as we were had come to the same conclusion. We had reached the phase of our life when it was time to “get fixed” and stop having babies. Within a six-month period, three of my friends and I all had vasectomies. They all had their own reasons for it. For us, however, there was no good reason. It was just a matter of convenience. Thus ended our “baby making” phase of life, or so we thought.

Now fast forward to 1998, when we began homeschooling our children. I admit, I was reluctant to take the plunge into homeschooling. Chris would have done it sooner but I took some convincing. Once we started, however, I began to realize how right homeschooling was for our family. The more I learned about homeschooling, the more I learned about Biblical family principles. The more I learned about what the Bible says about family and how children truly are a blessing from God, the more convicted I became about the decision we made about sterilization. After all, why would anyone intentionally stop God from giving them a blessing?

My conviction about the importance of family led me to start Families For Christ Ministries in 1999, to bring families back into the model God originally intended for us. “I may not be able to have more children,” I thought, “but I could sure do the best I can raising the ones God gave me and at the same time encourage others with what I learn along the way.”

July 2000 – The Plot Thickens! I attended my first homeschool convention that summer. Boy, what an eye opener! I listened to godly men like Doug Phillips, Ken Ham, and Jonathan Lindvall talk about their experiences with parenting and how God has blessed them as they yielded their life to God and followed His plans for fatherhood.

Back at the hotel I asked Chris if she ever had any regrets about our decision not to have any more children. To my surprise she said, “Yes, all the time”. We each shared with one another how God had convicted us that the decision we made nine years ago was not His will for us and that we needed to repent of that mistake. We confessed to each other and to God that we had made a mistake, and we asked God to forgive us. I believe it was Chris who came up with the brilliant illustration that another word for ‘repent’ is ‘reversal’. We decided if we were truly repentant we should at least try for a vasectomy reversal. It may not work. That would be up to God, but we had to at least give it a shot.

We prayed about it and waited for God’s leading. The next night we went out to dinner with our dear friends, Charlie and Liz Colvin. During the course of the evening’s conversation we shared with them what was happening in our life. We confessed to them our past mistake and told them how we had asked God for forgiveness. We also mentioned the thought of having a reversal. They were very supportive and encouraged us to follow God’s leading.

When we got home I called around to get information on vasectomy reversals. I made an appointment and had a consultation with a doctor. After much Bible study and prayer we decided that for us, in our circumstances, it was the right thing to do. The chance for success was only about 60% but that was all right with me. I would have done it regardless of the odds. It was our way of showing God how truly repentant we were.

I had the reversal surgery on August 14th, 2000, nine years after the original vasectomy. I was scheduled to go back in for tests in December to see if the surgery was successful. I did not need the tests because on Thanksgiving Day 2000 we found out that Chris was pregnant! We knew we had experienced God’s mercy and grace.

Someone once defined mercy and grace this way: Mercy is not getting what you deserve and Grace is getting what you don’t deserve. We deserve to live with the consequences of our mistakes. We don’t deserve to have any more children. But God has shown us His mercy and grace. We knew we were forgiven. And for some reason He had chosen to bless us with another child to raise for Him.

Tragedy Strikes
That pregnancy was different from the beginning. Early on, Chris was ordered to seven days bed rest due to complications. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Chris spent more time resting than she did up on her feet. Finally, on the evening of December 30th 2000, Chris began what she knew from past experience was a miscarriage. We called the doctor, knowing what he was going to say – there’s nothing that can be done, get to the emergency room to be checked out. We spent the early hours of New Year’s Eve in the emergency room where the doctor confirmed what we already knew. It was over. We had lost the baby.

Since 1998 we have been prepared to follow whatever way God leads us. We are totally His and will follow where He leads. We just thought He was leading us in a different direction. It did not make sense to us at the time why God would take this baby when it seemed to us that He had given us such a wonderful testimony. This was our testimony baby. We had great plans and dreams for how God would use us to glorify Him through this child. But those were OUR plans. That was not where He wanted to lead us at that time. And you know what? It turns out that this baby is still our testimony baby. It’s just that the testimony is different than we had thought it would be. Here’s one example of how God has used His baby to minister to others already:

We had a memorial service at our church for His baby. At first we were going to do a little something at home with just our family, but we felt that God would rather have us share this experience with our friends and church family. We did not know if anyone would even want to come. After all, who has ever heard of having a memorial service for a miscarried baby? Well, people did come to share that very special memorial service with us. And much to our surprise several of them thanked us for having the service because it ministered to them and helped them bring some closure to their own experience with miscarriage in their past. Every one of those dear people shared with us how they were never really allowed to grieve after their miscarriage. God used our grief to minister to others who have suffered through miscarriages and were not allowed to grieve as they would any other kind of death.

It seems odd to me the way people view miscarriages, even in the Christian community. As Christians, we believe life begins at conception. We preach and lobby against abortion and call it murder of the unborn. But for some reason when we lose that same life to miscarriage it is not treated like the death of a loved one that it really is. Nobody would ever dare tell a wife who just lost her husband, “Oh don’t worry dear, you can always get another one.” But women who miscarry are told all the time, “You can have another one.” The implication is “have another baby and you’ll get over it.” Well, you don’t “get over it.” You learn to live with it and deal with it, just like any other death but you never really “get over it.”

We know this all too well. You see, since that time the Lord has blessed us with two more children to raise for Him (that’s a story for another time) but He has also chosen to take three others straight to heaven to be with Him. We have suffered through five miscarriages and we now have five little ones waiting for us in heaven. We look forward to seeing them for the first time in the arms of our Lord.

One of the lessons we have learned from this experience is this: Our ways are not God’s ways. God’s ways are always best, even when we do not understand them. The Lord has chosen to use us to give birth to nine children. He has given us the blessing of raising four of His children for Him and He chose to use us to birth five straight to heaven to be with Him.

This is not a story about us, but about our awesome God. We hope that this testimony will be an encouragement to you and your family. The message of mercy and grace apply to any situation you are in, not just in the area of having children. Our heavenly Father honors a repentant heart. Is there something in your life that you need to repent of? Are you holding on to the sins of your past? Let go of them. Don’t continue to carry them with you. Whatever it is, give it to God. Ask for forgiveness and then be ready to follow whatever way He leads you.

Serving Christ and His family,

Pastor Ken Lawrence
www.PastorsHouse.com