Fireproof Your Marriage

On Sunday a group from Norwood Christian Church went to Montrose to watch the movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron. It is an excellent move, a must see for all married couples regardless of how long you have been married or how good (or bad) your relationship is. Several key points are made in the movie that can help every marriage. I’ll touch on a couple of them here.

The first point has to do with the word “fireproof.” When something is fireproof that does not mean that a fire won’t come. It means when a fire does come the item can survive it. We strive to make our marriage fireproof so when the fires come – financial struggles, illness, bitterness, addictions – the marriage is strong enough to withstand it and not burn to the ground.

Is your marriage fireproof or is it flammable? Here are some signs of a flammable marriage:

· Either party cares more about themselves than their spouse.

· Either party sees winning an argument as more important than their spouse’s feelings.

· Arguments over little things escalate into a laundry list of past wrongs done by the other party with each one trying to outdo the other.

· Either party retains their own identity after marriage (signs that the two are not one flesh). Examples: separate bank accounts, referring to paychecks as “my money” and “your money”, wife keeps her last name or hyphenates her old name with his, cars or homes in separate names, secrecy over financial affairs, separate P.O. boxes, etc.

· Either party finds fulfillment in “stuff” rather than being content and fulfilled in the relationship with their spouse. When you see your spouse as a hindrance or obstacle keeping you from getting what you want: money, a boat, truck, clothes, furniture, or whatever “stuff” you think will make you happy.

· Either party does not have a true, loving relationship with Jesus.

What does it take to make a marriage fireproof? That is the next point.

The second and most important point I got out of the movie is that in order to make a marriage fireproof it must be built on the right foundation and the right attitude. Marriage must be built on a foundation of love, not lust, not emotions, not physical attraction, and not sex. Marriage must be built on a foundation of love. Now that may seem obvious, but bear with me.

The love I am talking about has nothing to do with the couple. The foundation of a fireproof marriage is not built on love between a man and a woman. The foundation of a fireproof marriage begins with having a love relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. The Bible tells us that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). God is the source of all love. Jesus is the manifestation of God’s love to us. Jesus is God’s love gift to us.

We cannot truly love someone else unless we are tapped into the source of true love, God, through His Son, Jesus. Marriage is modeled after God. God is triune, that means there are three “persons” in the Godhead: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. All three separate, yet all three one.

Marriage is meant to be triune as well. There are three “persons” involved in marriage. Most people, especially non-Christians, view marriage as involving only two people, a man and a woman. But true, godly marriage involves three: a man and a woman united in a covenant with God. A godly marriage is built on the man’s and woman’s mutual love relationship with God. It is the inclusion of God in the marriage that makes the man and woman one flesh. It is the power of God’s Holy Spirit that makes the marriage fireproof.

Think of the Holy Spirit as the “Super Glue” that holds a marriage together. Jesus, speaking about marriage in Matthew 19:4-6 said, “…Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

It is God who joins a man and a woman together in marriage. Love is the foundation upon which a fireproof marriage must be built, but it is not the love between the man and woman, it is the love that each of them has for God. You cannot give what you do not have. If you do not have true love in your life, you cannot give your spouse true love. True love is not found in the world. True love only comes from God.

Once you have experienced the love of God in your life, then and only then, can you love your spouse as yourself, and put their needs above your own needs and wants. That is the attitude of a fireproof marriage, loving your spouse as yourself, because you are one flesh, and looking out for their best interest ahead of yourself.

To make your marriage fireproof, you must have a relationship with God that is real and personal. That relationship only comes through giving your life over to the Lord, Jesus Christ. A marriage built on anything less is going to have a difficult time ahead.

Serving Christ and His loving family,

Pastor Ken